Rosenbush Café

eXisTenTiaLNihLisT examines SPAM communiqués with equal amounts of compassion and sarcasm and a wee bit of profanity.

Although I am devoting more time to personal writing, divided between business and house cleaning exploits, I still must clear the SPAM; that infuriating surfeit of indiscriminately unsolicited bulk messages electronically emailed at such low costs that advertisers have no risk in bombarding bloggers with illiterate and commercially unviable garbage. The deluge of poorly written, one suspects by the lazy ignorant or luminously impolite spammers. I generally am unaffected by their drooling incompetence; bulk deleting them with the same skillful pleasure as lancing a boil on a feral cat’s ass.

The feline is ecstatic; so am I. Everyone’s a winner.

The photo was taken after a falling rock from space nearly separated my intellect from my complacency with the unwashed illiterate milieu.

Self Portrait, May, 2010

Without naming the poor wearisome bastards and bitches, here are a select few, sans editing for semantic lucidity. It’s problematic that if ESL: English as a Second Language is not their mother tongue, whatever attempt at linguistic rapidity is lost in a miasma of idiotic idiom:

Can I make a suggestion? I feel youve got one thing very good right here. But what if you added a couple links to some page that backs up what youre stating? Or perhaps you could give us one thing to look at, anything that would connect what youre saying to something tangible? Just a suggestion.

(This was for a movie trailer promoting an upcoming feature film and was simply a fragment of elucidation.)

Three for the price of one; egad, me migraine be returning:

sorry for my english not so well, but me think that you are right too pointe. Me share video now.

Me English no well, but had to say me like what you say. Thank you from me. Me share video now of my country.

and

force to practice mi English as I required to say http://www.rosenbushcafe.com is my favorite blog in English. You share me, I share video.

(This one, with the pingback, was for a piece I wrote about receiving fragrances from a friend’s perfume company! One must suspect this writer will not be a customer; me English not so well but me need fragrances. No, me needs dictionary, thesauruses and common sense, and then order me colognes. Me share with you me a video of my metaphysical discontent.)

This really is among the most unbelievable blogs Ive read in the extremely lengthy time. The amount of facts in right here is breathtaking, like you practically authored the book around the subject. Your weblog is good for anybody who wants to understand this subject additional. Wonderful stuff; make sure you preserve it up!

(Wouldn’t you know this one accompanied yesterday’s ExNil where I waxed endlessly about bull-shitters, the lack of sanity and dare I say intelligence? The usage of unbelievable, with myriad possibilities: Astonishing, Mind-boggling, Implausible, Far-fetched, Fanciful and Unlikely leads me to the conclusion my blog is “Implausibly incredible!”)

Finally, since foreign-born individuals arrive at Ellis Island, designated as “Displaced Persons,” I offer my own SPAM BE DAMNED entry, culled from about two thousand SPAMs tied for tenth place in a race to language class with only room for nine students:

Me so hornee but love you long time for such entracaseas of useage informational stuff. me friends with many bloggies who wish to share since site bookmarked and stumbled upon, I’ll post a feedback on my site too.

You do that.