Rosenbush Cafe

“The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.” — Anaïs Nin

eXisTenTiaLNihLisT continues the journey towards enlightenment with my typical flair for graphically profane nonconformity. Most of my ether connections, with the exception of this blog, have been deactivated and by September 3rd this will be the final place on earth to find me via the inter-connecting technology of computerized psychosis

Edited and updated, Friday the 27th, for clarity. Heh.

Disambiguation; a noun meant “to establish a single semantic or grammatical interpretation.” That is Merriam-Webster’s definition; however, take it one further path of nilhistic resonance: Dissociative Differentiation from what is thought or believed and accepted or rejected from what is known and unknown.

There is something disconcerting about the consciousness stream when it becomes polluted with back washes of stagnation. After I completed my ether addiction post I really began the arduous task of retrospection; not only of self but of self’s inevitable ending.

In American culture we are immediately, upon birth, introduced to a classic irrational syllogism:

humans are born to die
you are human
you will die

From the earliest age, through religious indoctrination and paranoia concerning what follows existence, we are force-fed propaganda and our experiences from that moment of birth delineate decay and death more rapidly than life. We begin to die so quickly that it becomes an ostentatious excuse to accept the inevitable end before the journey.

It took me thirty two years to decide heaven did not exist in the traditional sense; since I never believed in Hell, except in earthbound genocide ghettos, I am unafraid of an eternity of damnation. I have endured plenty of damnation while living; thank you. It’s like that phrase until the end of time that we hear far too often.

Do humans really think they have control over universal epochs? I doubt fruit flies and cicadas consider it in the same manner. There are over 3,000 species of cicadas and I hardly think they have time during their brief terrestrial lifecycles to ponder Heaven, Hell or Religion.

The number of people who have tried to save my soul without ever considering what the soul is or for what purpose saving strangers’ benefits them mystifies me as much as it disconcerts. Does a cicada, with a lifespan anywhere from 2 to 17 years, need its soul saved to instinctively return to the surface, sing their acoustic love songs, procreate and die?

It is unsurprising that my eXisTenTiaLNihLisT streams are rebellious, caustic, sarcastic, cynical, ironic, graphically profane and fueled by torment and antagonism towards myriad themes. My insurrectionary diatribes are meant to stimulate philosophical thought patterns among my minuscule readership at Rosenbush Café with hope that somewhere there will be someone who will be dissatisfied with the infinitesimal and engage others in conversations about healthier attitudes between the brain hemispheres.

I have been betrayed so frequently that I accept my deliberate evaporation from the ether; there is more for me to ponder and explore beyond this technological nightmarish world where subjectivity is more palpable than a gigabyte of obligatory comprehension.

Am I fooling myself?

Probably.

I will admit that I am a fool; aren’t we all?

I have been deceived and fooled, sometimes unexpectedly, but more often being a lucid thinker, predictably. I live in America, a country that is an entity that prides itself on freedoms that I have oft written about as phantoms and illusionary constructs. For all the purported sovereignty something else must always be surrendered.

Freedom of speech, for example, which I have the benefit of, by writing these words without instantaneous trepidation that I will be abducted from my café, taken away and executed for daring to speak what is in my intellectual brain pans is not without consequences.

Regrettably, for all that autonomy I am approximating from this tiny corner of Planet Earth and I am surrounded by manipulative, albeit, ineffective forces beyond control.

Freedom of Religion gave me the wondrous opportunity to decide, as an individual, that I did not agree with any of them on mere face value. I express disapproval at any group or individual who eulogizes that somehow they have all the answers to all the unanswerable questions posed by existence.

God Exists.
God Does Not Exist.
God Only Exists for some but not all.
God Exists for those chosen to be saved for ideals that are ludicrous.
God Exists as a representation of the human being.
God exists in alternate permutations depending on within what culture the believer lives.
God created everything.
God created nothingness.
God created unanswered uncertainty so that the carbon-based life cycle would fluently misinterpret utterly.

The argument never ends for the sheer audacity that the sentient mind is capable of accurate interpretations of cosmic creation, infinite space and time while searching, always unsuccessfully, for an ultimate answer to an ultimate question that, ultimately, never existed.

I was asked the other day a question I have been asked throughout my fifty six plus years:

“Does all the matter on earth since the beginning of this planet’s existence convert to a heavier Planet Earth?”

Archetypal bullshit.

“Is the circumference of the earth distorted by weight?”

I surmise only by the weight of idiocy and futility inquiries. They are made for deception, and, as a diversion for its entertainment significance is an unparalleled dollop of amusement; at least for me.

Everything that exists on earth can be transformed for one kind of matter into another. Sand can become glass; coal, diamonds; humans into insects; and mixtures of different elements obstinately become something else. The Periodic Table is just that; periodically transmogrified. Is it any different than some arrogant scientific mind deciding that Pluto is no longer a planet? From the viewpoint of Alpha Centauri, perhaps earth is, at best, an asteroid, or at worst not even a planet or celestial body but a space-time continuum hallucination.

Perspective is not an earthbound conceptualization; existing across billions of light years of limitless universes.

Bullshit, however, is still a fecal substance no matter from where it subsists.

I steadfastly argue that the amount of shit on this planet outweighs all other substances for it is a tangential essence.

Without it there is no pleasure.

When someone tells someone else something that is discernibly and artificially construed as factual we call it BULLSHIT.

I express sympathy for bulls and cows, out in their pastures, admiring the bucolic scenery, and consuming the green grass of fate, but injected with hormones and generally mistreated. Pity the Black Angus for their tastiness to the human palette. While we may dispute our carnivorous addictions we cannot, and indeed should not, challenge our intrinsic need to bullshit.

Hmmm, well, I had a wonderful argument recently that a ton of trees does not weigh the same as a ton of steel.

What the fuck?

My understanding is that a ton is a measurement of weight. One can easily enjoy the mystifying irony that its definition is different in the UK from the US and Canada. Long, short or metric tonnage is just a migraine of minutiae.

Weight deconstruction is no different than whether or not Christopher Columbus discovered he new world of America. Historically, I could care less than a fuck by whom or how it was discovered. North America was already flourishing without inhabitants from another portion of the planet making claims for thoughtless territoriality; destroying the eco-system and decimating the Native “Americans” already living here. Such a large country but just not enough room for the immigrants to share with others already living here peacefully. The Indians were at one with the environment while thenewcomers were at one with the destruction of life, liberty and landscape.

It wasn’t long ago that the masses believed the earth was flat, oceans filled with sea monsters, earth was the center of the universe (it isn’t even the center of this solar system) and that our heart was at the center of the body and controlled everything. Imagine the startling revelation of what brains were doing having to think about such bullshit?

What a confusing role we play.

Coca Cola once contained cocaine and I believe it is still a component; its makers have “secret ingredients” and so many people are addicted to the malevolent syrupy concoction. As with any addiction the more one thinks they like it the more they need it, even if it destroys vital organs and gives its users the hightened euphoria of a hummingbird on amphetamines.

Who has forgotten that doctors used leeches to extract the ‘bad blood’ from patients? Good blood….bad medical training. You’re insane, but if we drill holes in your head, attach electrodes or remove segments of your ‘bad brain’ we can make you well.

Uh huh.

Lobotomy was widely practiced, even in the fifties, and ther evidence supporting removing brain tissue seemed to go unquestioned. Why are these patients even more angry, depressed, forgetful and violent? Hmm, normally, we are born with an amount of gray matter that will die on its own at the cellular level but what the hell, let’s speed the process. It wasn’t medicine; it was control. The actress Frances Farmer was given electroc shock theraphy and later lobotomized because she was a free-spirited individual who pissed off her controlling mother.

Aaaah, science in the Dark Ages of the 20th and 21th Century must make the leech theory less far-fetched.

It’s disturbingly compelling to listen to a television commercial for any pharmaceutical cures since the side effects overshadow the remedies. It’s exacerbating to learn sleep and male enhancement aids can cause death. Stomach medications are notorious for inducing stomach pains, diarrhea. Ha, ha. It should be designated as dieherereally.

ExNil

I acknowledge, freely, my utterly defiant consignment that every kind of shit exists.

Agreement is not mandatory.

Freedom of thought is your only veritable choice in life.

I am unconcerned as to who, or why, someone would read my words and stop at any segment and close the page. That, too, is a freedom; free will to choose and not accept an attitude, especially when based on an unfamiliar philosophy.

Our world is replete with non acceptance.

Our bloodiest wars fought now, and for the totality of the history of humankind (how I hate that word; human…kind, such an oxymoron. Cruelkind is more accurate. Where else but in language could the word moron have such significance?), over belief and non belief, religion and politics, money and the lack thereof.

Late southern humorist Brother Dave Gardner said of politics: “Politics, Dog, ticks…it’s all parasitical.”

Now, that is NOT BULLSHIT. That is reality.

Rather than starting life and embracing the wonders of it too many people are predisposed to give up at the beginning and leave it along aside them on the journey. Maybe, they think, it’s

No, it is yours.

Is life sacrosanct?

Not to the terrorists of the world. They exist in every culture, religion and institution. You will find them in garden clubs, grocery stores, book stores, restaurants, behind the wheel of a Jaguar as easily as in a Chevrolet, in courtrooms, cloakrooms and Congress, and the preponderance of hatred, mistrust, disdain, disorder, fear and prejudice for one carbon-based breather for another is another freedom that goes unquestioned and unanswered.

Terrorism is intimidation. The violence that ensues continues in every region. If you do not understand the concept of intimidation all you have to do is watch televised news on cable or in the ether. We are terrorized by news of natural disasters, that the world is ending, new microscopic strains of cellular monsters and global bankruptcy. Is it not terrorism when a gay couple wants the same rights as heterosexuals? Life is brief and if two women, or men, love one another why should they be denied of happiness because some radical believer in opposing lifestyle choices is offended. Why are these same people not offended by spousal and cild abuse by heteros? The answer would only overflow the bullshit cauldron because there is no logic.

Why do we fill our hearts and minds with such much mean-spiritedness? Does one evil action in youth inevitably need to lead a life of chaos and anarchy?

As I continue my journey it has become more difficult for me to allow such heartlessness to define what I can, and will, accomplish as my numbered days draw to their unavoidable conclusion. I am not a painter, sculptor, singer or poet. I am a writer of words, interrelated to my emotions and I will continue to augment my consciousness stream with clear waters of thought and deed.

Will you join me on journeys beyond the capacity for unkindness?

You know where to find me…