Rosenbush Cafe

Reviewed by Henry B. Rosenbush

Getting an extension has never been fun, especially in this latest mortgage crisis, but in Drag Me to Hell it should make loan officers think twice about turning down gypsies. Sam Raimi takes a break from the blockbuster Spiderman movies and happily returns to his low budget Evil Dead roots with a nasty and downright funny exploration of the classic curse movies.

Raimi has clearly not lost his touch and after a 1980s version of the Universal logo Raimi, co-scripting with brother Ivan, he wastes no time sending someone to hell, in this case a young boy who had foolishly stolen gypsy jewelry. After being engulped into firey damnation we are introduced to cute Christine Brown (the well cast Alison Lohman, Matchstick Men, 2003) who works as loan officer in a California bank with eyes on the assistant manager slot, also sought by ass-kissing co-worker, Stu Rubin (Reggie Lee).

As is often the case in horror films, Christine is a nice girl who only wants to get ahead and her boss, Mr. Jacks, the always reliable David Paymer, basically tells her only one who can make the tough decisions - it’s between her and Stu - will get the position so its unsurprising that immediately enters Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) an old gypsy, looking for a mortgage extension and free candy.

Herein lies the hook of her over-the-top perf, which Raver obviously relishes: she is a gypsy who, although in the real world would find difficulty getting a third consecutive extension, is a movie gypsy, who begs for help after being declined and doesn’t like to be “shamed.” In the first of many hilarious-horrific scenes, Raver is waiting in the underground parking deck - her car is director Raimi’s own 1973 Oldsmobile - and attacks Christine, in her car. Christine makes inventive use of a stapler and ruler while the two women battle inside the car leading to the much publicized trailer sequence where Ganush rips a button off the girl’s sweater and curses her with the Lamia, a demon that will torment her for three days before, well remember the title.

“Soon it will be you who comes begging to me,” she says. Later she gets her palm read only to unnerve the psychic, Rham Jas, who knows more than he is willing to tell Christine. She begins encountering daytime and nighttime visits from the Lamia and plenty of physical abuse dispensed by this menacing goat from hell.

Typical of a good curse movie, however, is the fact the old gypsy dies before Christine can convince her to lift it and the scene where she accidentially upsets even more gypsies at Mrs. Ganush’s wake is as hilarious as it is grotesque. It is this scene, and many others, where Raimi pushes the boundaries of the PG-13 Rating with more spewed bodily fluids than the entire The Exorcist trilogy; blood, mucus, spit and even embalming fluid find themselves onto poor Christine and the actress has to be given credit for enduring a number of scenes where unimaginable liquids end up in her mouth. Even flies, worms and maggots get comic closeups.

What makes the film work, as well as, turnoff some audiences, is for every gross-out scene is humor, albeit often jet black, to leven the horror. Animal lovers may never feel comfortable with the phrase: “Here kitty, kitty, kitty” after hearing Christine’s delivery.

The score, composed by Christopher Young, is excellent, as are the the use of shock cuts augmented with an overloud soundtrack. The jump-out-of-your-seat moments, especially the fork-in-the-eyeball-slice-of-cake that finally sent the constantly text-messaging girl, seated next to me out of the theater, were hysterically funny and left audiences groaning and talking amongst themselves. The film’s visual effects, many made to intentionally look cheap, are first-rate, as are all the technical credits, especially during the outrageous seance with the goat. There was a moment were one almost expects to hear the demon uttering “I’ll swallow your soul” to Ash’s shotgun-in the-mouth reply, “Swallow this” from Evil Dead, but the possessed dancing routine was just fine!

Acting kudos to Lohman, her sweet, but disbelieving boyfriend, Clay Dalton, although he does bankroll a $10,000 seance (Justin Long, Live Free or Die Hard, 2007), Dileep Rao as psychic Rham Jas, who tries to help exorcise the Lamia and Adriana Barraza as Shaun San Dena who is seen in the 1969 prologue trying to expell the demon, unsuccessfully, from the young boy. Whenever she is on screen, however, Raver is a scene stealer, with her bizarre razor sharp dentures, blind right eye and unpleasant hygiene she could become another movie horror icon like Michael Myers. With only a handful of roles, all in episodic television series, including Ally McBeal, Desperate Housewives and Charmed, Raver may have found her niche.

The Lamia is reminiscent of the monster in Jacques Tourneur’s classic 1957 horror opus, Night of the Demon (US title: the truncated Curse of the Demon) in its use of a curse with a specific deadline, an unnerving use of music and sound effects, a mostly unseen monster and a climax at a railway station. Mainly seen in silhouette and a bit cartoonish in it’s one brief face-to-face with Christine the Lamia is best when used unseen as a reminder of the fate of the main character.

Penulitmate scene in a stormy graveyard is played more for laughs than horror and even with some nifty misdirection observant moviegoers will quickly ascertain which envelop contains the promise of the straight to hell climax. While perhaps not as outrageous as the Evil Dead films, Drag Me to Hell should keep summer movie audiences entertained provided they have a black sense of humor and strong stomachs!

A Universal release of a Ghost House Pictures presentation. Produced by Rob Tapert and Grant Curtis; executive producers, Joe Drake and Nathan Kahane; co-producers, Cristen Carr Strubbe and Ivan Raimi. Directed by Sam Raimi from a screenplay by Sam Raimi and Ivan Raimi.

Cast
Christine Brown - Alison Lohman
Clay Dalton - Justin Long
Mrs. Ganush - Lorna Raver
Rham Jas - Dileep Rao
Mr. Jacks - David Paymer
Shaun San Dena - Adriana Barraza
Leonard Dalton - Chelcie Ross
Stu Rubin - Reggie Lee

Camera (color, Panavision widescreen), Peter Deming; editor, Bob Murawski; music, Christopher Young; production designer, Steve Saklad; art director, James F. Truesdale; set designer, Josh Lusby; set decorator, Don Diers; costume designer, Isis Mussenden; sound (SDDS/Dolby Digital/DTS), Joseph Geisinger; supervising sound editors, Paul N.J. Ottosson, Jussi Tegelman; visual effects supervisor, Bruce Jones; special makeup effects, Gregory Nicotero, Howard Berger; stunt coordinator, Randy Beckman; assistant director, Chris Edmonds; second unit directors, Bruce Jones, Beckman; casting, John Papsidera. MPAA Rating: PG-13 For sequences of horror violence, terror, disturbing images and language. Running time: 1:39. Reviewed at the Cobb Hollywood 16 Theaters, Tuscaloosa, AL May 30, 2009.

Coming in June: Angels and Demons “Faith is a gift I am yet to receive.”

Todd Rundgren tells us in “Heavy Metal Kids”

I was a sweet young kid once
Now I’m a full grown crank
And when I die I’ll probably come back as a Sherman Tank.
I know that I could make this world so peaceful and calm
If I could only get my hands on a hydrogen bomb

Todd, 1974

eXisTenTiaLNihLisT (WARNING: Adult themes. The SG site contains nudity and plenty of imagery and writing that is not intended for children or adults who are upset by the subject matter discussed below. This post was started earlier in May, several weeks before my near-fatal automobile accident on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at approximately 2:45 p.m. EST. As often with eXisTenTiaLniHLisT I am writing as a Dadaist in a consciousness stream, albeit, with my off-beat humor sense thereof, and so I have looked at what I wrote and am confident that I can leave it alone realizing that when it was started life was no longer or shorter until Tuesday. I’m happy being a man, but the prospect of coming back as an empowered woman would by OK, provided the world is a better place. My last several days, however, has taught me another valuable life lesson: be strong and happy with your lot for tomorrow may never arrive! The crash left me unable to finish a myriad of updates that will come later in June, especially after some extremely important issues that have less to do with the Cafe than everything else important in my life. — May 30, 2009)

I’d rather come back as one of the Suicide Girls
Celebrating the alternative beauty of pierced and tattooed bodies augmenting the goth culture and punk rock with unashamed and unafraid of displaying nudity. I first heard of the SGs a few years back and like anyone with curiosity was interested in learning more:

Were they girls that wanted to die? No, no, no.
Were they girls who wanted to live? Yes, yes, yes.
They were girls who showed a variance on the beauty is only skin deep or in the eye of the beholder motifs.

A small group of them were on display in the episode of CSI: NY, Oedipus Hex where at the fadeout Suicide Nixon invites series regular Danny Messer (Carmine Giovinazzo) out to see where the night would take them, but naturally he doesn’t take the opportunity; “Being with a Suicide Girl, you don’t know what you’re missing!”

Like any good fantasy, after the fadeout, I envisioned Danny enjoying the wildest ride of his life as he indulges in public sex, ending up arrested by fellow CSI Stella Bonosera (Melina Kanakaredes), who cuffs the poor bastard to a lamp post, invites all the co-workers to paint his body like a black light poster and leave him stranded in Central Park, but only long enough for his boss, Mac Taylor (Gary Sinise) to ride by with his gf in a horse-drawn carriage. “I’d ask for your gun and badge but looks like you left them with your pants,” he says. Suddenly, Danny awakens, aroused, but only to find himself at home in bed alone! He is late to work and when he arrives no one is in the building and then he awakes again, still aroused, this time with Suicide Nixon locking his handcuffed wrists, over his head, to the bedpost. The rest is left to your imagination.

The episode was more serious than my rave: a fresh-faced midwestern teenager, who wanted to be an SG gets murdered instead by a jealous guy, while real SGs are on-stage involved in a blood drenching scene a la Carrie. It was a good, if not great episode, because the death reminds us of the fragility of life and how easily is can be taken - even in fiction.

A few weeks later, probably due to their, pardon the pun, exposure, I was flipping teevee channels one evening, at the far end of the progamming dial, I stopped to view a naked girl being photographed in a bathtub. There were more tattoos on her body than water and studs piercing eyebrows, nose, tongue, navel and, yes, below the water line. I had stumbled - out of my chair -into the final half hour of a documentary on Suicide Girls.

I’m a very ordinary male without tatts, piercing or a goth wardrobe and aside from having a beard since the seventies I’m not much of a risk-taker. There are plenty of scars from cat scratching and the number of times I’ve struck my head on anything that could leave a mark means aside from some baldness I fear that with my head shaved it would resemble the surface of the moon.

I will never be mistaken for the racy blond but this is fantasy after all!

For shame, since an eXisTenTiaLniHLisT should open the portals to everything and nothingness physically as well as mentally. If I can scheme to get a fictional television character into trouble I might as well conjure a bit for myself. If possible, I’ll come back playing a keytar in an girl band like Von Iva.

Most of us probably find ourselves circumvented by fate and perhaps consider life is not worth living. However, consider that for every disappointment or act of unkindness perpetrated by fellow humans eventually we all pay the price, and although we may not always see the comeuppance of our enemies rest assured their punishment is forth coming.

Most corrupt, petty, sadistic or mean-spirited people do not consider their actions evil and recently, I have seen the best and worst women and men can offer in this fleeting millisecond called life. The good will always get punished with the bad, as I saw recently in Angels and Demons (a review coming soon) and while I do not promote revenge towards my enemies I am, after all, human, and realize most of us - me included - think of what should happen to those who have brought suffering.

Rather than punish them, I enjoy the payback theme afforded me through fictional events and I was reminded of the classic Twilight Zone: To Serve Man, where an alien race, the 9-foot tall Kanamits, under the guise of altruism, land on earth with the promise of peace on earth. They offer earthlings an end to global hunger, efficient fuel resources and in return we mothball our instruments of warfare.

And then they offer us visits to their home planet and we gladly pack our bags and obediently stand in line to board their flying saucers for the next big adventure. We are a gullible race: the wonderful are swallowed whole by the dream of peace, love for their fellow humankind and faith, while the rest of humanity are merely condiments and we all become a multi-cultural intergalactic Thanksgiving dinner!

So the next time you are mistreated, or are the harmful party, consider your next act may be to become a succulent meal for an advanced alien race.

It gives me a nice oven-toasted warm feeling knowing my enemies will be devoured and as for me, I’m too thin for the main course but would make an excellent appetizer!

Time for dinner!

No need to describe my 2007 Grand Prix, which was totalled earlier today at near mile marker 15, Carrollton, Georgia. While changing lanes from right to left to allow an 18-wheeler to merge onto the interstate from a weight station, the car went through what I can only describe as a river. I was already driving safely since a sudden storm 10 miles back but as the car spun uncontrollably on I-20 West I knew I was in immediate peril. The car was spinning diagonally into the right lane behind the truck - which thankfully I did not hit.

Like most seasoned drivers, I learned years ago to not initiate breaking procedures or grab tightly unto the steering wheel. Instinctively, I believed I was going to die and accepted my fate by relaxing, which saved me from serious injury.

After what I seemed like four seconds and my fifth 360 degree spin I saw through my passenger side window that I was going to strike an aluminum light post.

No praying

No profanity or movie-style rhetoric.

I uttered “My God” because I knew the impact was next.

The sound of metal crushing and glass shattering was sickening and while some people say your life passes before your eyes or that it happens in slow motion I can tell you it was real time and no recollections.

The airbag deployed and the car spun around one more time into mud and grass embankement where I sat for several seconds collecting my blurry thoughts and realizing, thankfully, that no bones were broken. The air bag slowly deflated and I realized my chest hurt. Naturally, I was stunned.

No one stopped, in fact most trucks and cars were still speeding past me as if I was invisible. Then, as I was exhaling the air bag fumes I began looking for my cell phone which set amongst other stuff that had landed on the floorboard; a coffee container, compact discs, coins and a pair of slippers. I called 911 but hadn’t waited for the cobwebs to clear so I wasn’t helping her with the right information, but luckily one vehicle did stop and a young man came up to my car, wearing a shirt with a red cross emblem asking if I was all right and he gave the 911 operator the proper info. He even waited until the highway patrol arrived.

Bless him, that unnamed volunteer.

Tonight, thanks to Natalia, who I was returning home from visiting, paid for a Sleep Inn Hotel room in Eastern Alabama and when I have more time to reflect I’ll finish this post. Suffice to say, I am a believer that most everything happens for a reason and it was unfortunately my time for a serious accident. However, aside from the expected soreness throughout my body - I was advised the troopers and others to expect to feel much worst tomorrow - I know I am fortunate; not merely lucky but it wasn’t my time to go.

As expected, the review will have to wait and more than likely no more updates for May, 2009 as I recuperate, begin the process of healing and search for another vehicle. I have always loved GMC products, especially the Grand Prix and I miss her, but she took care of me and saved my life. The impact was on the right side and not the driver’s and I know unequivocally that had it happened any other way I would not be writing at this moment.

The hot shower was nice and now its time to try and sleep. Will I dream of the accident again? Perhaps, but whether or not I relive the experience I am alive to experience it again. I don’t take that lightly; didn’t before and don’t now.

Thanks again to volunteer, Georgia Highway Patrolmen, EMTs from nearby Carrollton, for their quick response, the towing service and Geigo and Enterprise for getting my auto towed and me in a rental car so I can get home tomorrow. Even more, I thank Natalia, my mate, my friend, my confidant and my protector. As I sat in the car for several minutes, watching the speeding vehicles fly by, going no slower and certainly unconcerned that it could be them next, I thought of Natalia and how I knew I would see her again. I also knew I’d see all those felines I love so much, too.

Thanks to my Grand Prix, Tala, for that opportunity to continue living. It can happen to anyone anytime and anywhere: driving safely, but when it’s your time to crash, you crash. I boy did I crash, but didn’t burn.

May 28th: Feeling better and not as sore and I am renewed and reinvigorated and ready to continue the good fight. More to come on the experience next week.

Henry B. Rosenbush

Tonight, El Cine presents a review of Ron Howard’s second film version of a Dan Brown book with Angels and Demons, after his Tom Hanks headliner with The DaVinci Code. The film is exciting and fast-paced, more like a straightforward thriller than the Catholic-bashing film that some groups have proclaimed. While it depends on a strong religious point of view to decide whether or not the Catholic Church comes out completely unscathed there is enough historical fact, mixed the inevitable movie-style reality to make it compelling enough to send interested audiences to the book store to research both the Illuminati and Brown’s best seller. Suffice to say it mixes science fact, fiction and fantasy with one of those compelling storelines taking place over a 24 hour period with secret societies, hidden passageways, obvious, and not so obvious villians within the Vatican, and a stolen container of anti-matter! The film improves on the book in some areas and completely alters the original story in others. There are some fine perfomances from an all-star international cast and nifty special effects, including a climax with a heavenly twist and a few shocking moments of violence not for the weak of heart.